A Breakup Letter to the Too Faced The Return Of Sexy Eye Shadow Palette
Let’s go ahead and get this out of the way: It’s not me, it’s you.
At first glance, you seemed perfect. I knew the minute I saw your first promotional pictures floating around the Internet that we were destined for each other.
See, you include 15 shadows grouped into three different looks: natural/nude, purple, and gray smoky. These are my three favorite looks so I really thought we could go everywhere together! (I even thought about leaving my long-time love, the Urban Decay Naked Palette for you!)
Plus, you came with the added bonus of a 0.04 oz Perfect Eyes Waterproof Eyeliner in Perfect Black and a 0.17 oz Deluxe Shadow Insurance Eye Shadow Primer. Your attractive and sturdy packaging sealed the deal: you were mine.
However, things took a turn for the worse the first time we tried to get together. I was trying the purple colors and was immensely disappointed. Let me list your offenses: dry, poorly pigmented, and not easy to blend. FOR SHAME! I tried brushes and sponge tip applicators, both wet and dry to no avail. I was surprised that you weren’t getting along with the Shadow Insurance Primer.
Then I tried to use your Eyeliner in Perfect Black with ridiculous results. You were overly soft and smudged all over my eyes. Back up, dude, a girl needs time
to smudge you.
Which leads me to my next point: Imagine my surprise when, a mere four hours later, I looked in the mirror to see you
Oh, Clueless. You never cease to delight!
I am a lady and as such, I’m used to my shadow sticking around and staying diligently in place. You, on the other hand, had bunched up and distributed color in all the wrong places. Who do you think you are?! (And unfortunately, it’s not just your purple shades but rather ALL your shades.)
Not only was the shadow creasing, my eyeliner had migrated to my lower lash line and tear duct in ridiculously unattractive fashion. Patchy, black goop everywhere? Yeah, I’m not feeling it.
Finally, your most egregious offense is this: You made me cry. Literally. My eyes are incredibly resilient but I found them tearing up when using your eyeliner. I also have red, puffy, sensitive areas on the inner parts of my lids. I don’t know if it’s the shadow, primer, or eyeliner doing it to me; however, the problem started when you came around.
So let’s get this straight: We are done. I thought we could make it, I really did. I lemmed after you and even told the world about it. How embarrassing. You’re going back to where you came from (Sephora) and I’m moving on with my life. Don’t call me.
No XOXOs for you, Return of Sexy Palette!
You also promised me mattes. What a lie. I don’t see any.
Your shades looked frosty on ME, the palest of the pale. I can’t imagine how horrendous some of your shades would look on deeper toned ladies.
I did appreciate the three instruction sheets with six totals looks; however, they aren't worth anything if the shades don't work!